Why You Feel Undeserving And How To Overcome It
Why You Feel Undeserving And How To Overcome It
Uncover the root of why you feel undeserving and learn simple, powerful steps to shift your mindset, build self-belief, and move forward with confidence toward your goals.
If you’re a founder, entrepreneur, or someone stepping outside your comfort zone, you’ve probably felt it the gremlins coming out of the woodwork when you are trying something new. “Who do you think you are?” Or , “You’re not experienced enough. You’re not smart enough. You don’t deserve this.” As women, we can feel this so deeply. I know I’ve been completely shut down by those overwhelming feelings of undeservingness before - the kind that stop you in your tracks and make moving forward feel impossible.
First, let me reassure you: you’re not alone. I feel it too. I truly believe we ALL do at one point or another. Almost everyone putting themselves out there in a meaningful way hears some version of this. The big question is:
Why do I feel undeserving?
The feeling of being undeserving often doesn’t come out of nowhere. It can be shaped by early experiences, societal expectations, or old patterns of thinking. Maybe you grew up internalizing the belief that you had to “earn” your worth by being perfect, helpful, or quiet. Maybe somewhere along the way, you were told - directly or indirectly - that success wasn’t meant for “people like you.”
These feelings are real. They can be heavy. But here’s the thing: just because you feel something doesn’t make it true. 🤯
Your Feelings Are Not Facts
Let me say that again. Feelings are not facts.
But Amy what kind of mindf*ckery is this?
Think about it. Feeling undeserving doesn’t mean you are undeserving. Feelings can be messy, overwhelming, and incredibly convincing. But they’re not always accurate.
We just assume that because we feel something, the story we tell ourselves about the feeling must be true. No! Not true.
Emotions can be so challenging - they’re influenced by past experiences, fears, and limiting beliefs. But they can be shaped by old narratives that may not apply to the present moment.
This isn’t about ignoring your emotions - they matter. But rather than blindly believing them, we can get curious about them. Ask: “What’s really behind this feeling? Is this story serving me or holding me back?”
So Why Do We Feel Undeserving?
From a psychological perspective, the feeling of undeservingness is often a protective mechanism. Your brain is wired to keep you safe. And sometimes, it mistakenly thinks that staying small and avoiding risks is the safest option.
This fear can be reinforced by things like:
Perfectionism: You believe you must be flawless to be worthy of success.
Comparison: You measure your progress against others and feel like you don’t measure up.
Imposter Syndrome: You’re convinced that any minute now, someone will find out you’re not “legit.”
What We Can Do About Undeservingness
I use a lot of Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) approaches in my coaching practice. This is imo a refreshing and compassionate approach to dealing with these emotions, where instead of trying to eliminate your feelings of undeservingness, ACT suggests that we make room for them without letting them drive your decisions.
Here’s how:
Notice the Feeling
Pause and observe what’s happening. You might say to yourself: “Ah, here’s that ‘I’m not enough’ story showing up again.”
Name It
Give the feeling a label. Calling it what it is - fear, doubt, old programming - creates some emotional distance. It’s no longer you, it’s just a story your brain is telling you.
Make Space for It
Instead of fighting the feeling or trying to push it away, allow it to be there. It makes sense that you feel the way you do. You can hold the feeling with compassion and curiosity without falling into automatically believing the story it’s telling you.
Ask: What Do I Value?
Shift your focus to what matters most to you. Why are you building this business? Is it because you value creativity, connection, independence, or freedom? Let your values - not your fear - guide your next step.
You don’t need the fear to go away. You can move forward with it sitting quietly in the background. You absolutely do not have to do anything with it at all, just acknowledge it, and let it be. Wave at it, even. 👋
Joy Is Your Compass
One of the best ways to break free from feelings of undeservingness is to reconnect with what brings you joy.
Why did you start your business in the first place? Maybe it’s the thrill of creating something meaningful. Maybe it’s the freedom of designing your own schedule or connecting with like-minded people.
When you feel undeserving, come back to that sense of joy. It’s a more reliable compass than fear will ever be.
I’ve found that sometimes, cultivating a sense of outrage actually helps me. When I ask myself, “What’s the story I’m telling myself?” and “Where does this story even come from?” I often realize it’s not even mine - it’s something I’ve been conditioned to believe! That realization can spark a huge sense of outrage: “WTF. Wait a minute - why am I letting this old, outdated belief control me?”
That burst of WTFery creates distance between me and the fear. It reminds me that the feeling isn’t who I am - it’s just a narrative I’ve absorbed. And that shift gives me energy and clarity to move forward, regardless (or maybe even in spite of) the fear. It taps into my rebellious side - the part of me that refuses to be told what to do!
Letting Go of “Deserving” Altogether
Here’s an even more radical idea: what if you let go of the question of whether you “deserve” your success altogether?
Here’s the absolute, if you forget everything in this post, remember this KEY point: You don’t need to earn your worth. You’re worthy because you exist. Full stop. This took me a long time to learn.
When you stop trying to prove you’re worthy and stop wasting your precious energy defending a story you didn’t even write, you create space to simply be. To create, to lead, to try, fail, learn, adjust and try again.
Final Thoughts: Keep Showing Up
Feeling undeserving is part of being human, especially when you’re putting yourself out there in a vulnerable way. But you don’t have to wait until the fear goes away to take action.
Remember: feelings are like clouds. They come and go. But your values - your deepest motivations and dreams - are the sky. They’re always there, steady and vast.
By questioning the stories that your feelings prompt within you (instead of assuming it’s true) you create space for a different story - one where you acknowledge the feeling, thank it for its input, and move forward with courage anyway. Because logically - and emotionally - you’re capable of far more than your fear would have you believe.
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Thank you for taking the time to read my post! If this resonated with you or sparked questions, let’s connect! You can find me on LinkedIn where I share more insights and tips, or explore my journey here to learn about my businesses and how we might work together. I’d love to hear from you!
